What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
