Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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