I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
