I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
