Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
zippers are such a cool invention
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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