she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
