I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize