Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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