The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
