Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
