The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
