I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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