I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize