I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
