Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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