I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I understand Curling. That high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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