K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
