I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
