I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
