I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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