i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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