He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My vagina just recognized that song.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
