Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
