You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
