yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
