Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
