quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
