tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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