I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
