It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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