Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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