you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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