Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize