all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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