Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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