i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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