YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
