Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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