This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
did i just pee glitter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
