do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
