Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
