in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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