Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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