I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
