Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
