I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
