You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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