you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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