She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
