fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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