When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
