you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
