Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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