Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
