you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
