for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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