you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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