It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
