I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
