We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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