well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
