Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
