wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
