All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
