between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
