Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
